My First Hike & Life

My First Hike
Yesterday I went hiking with Sam. It was a lot harder than I thought, but it was my first hike. I told him I was never doing it again. But then we made plans to go again next Thursday or Friday...I think the most up to date deal is that we are going to go about weekly, and in 3 or 4 months, I should be able to do that first hike again so much easier.

I got some decent photos. I think. I had to download an application on my phone.

I do not really like the crater like thing. But other than that this is beautiful.

Same as above, except I like this better, because it has less crater and more green.

This was my first panoramic photo. Getting more of the mountain range and some of the valley.

My second panoramic photo, which was more of the valley. 

I am really happy that I went. Even though I was a terrible hiking companion for Sam, he was a good one for me. And he is right, the more I do it, the better I will get at it.Which is good, because I want to be good at it. I love the scenery of this place.

Life
My life in general is really good. I worked at the Marian Center which is a psychiatric unit for geriatrics. It was a 12 hour shift. I am not going to lie, I freaking loved it. Loved. I am not super comfortable sharing online stories of what happened. But it was fun, there is something about psychotic elderly people that I absolutely love. I really hope I made a good first impression and that if something for full time or part time ever comes up that I can work there.

I went on that date Wednesday. It went really well. We made plans to go on another date Tuesday. Then via text something came up about how serious of a relationship I am looking for. And the truth is, I am 19, I want to play the field, break a few hearts, have my heart broken, get drunk and hook up with a stranger (notice I did not say have sex...I said hook up, two different things), I am not ready to be that serious about anyone. I mean with my friends I am in it for the long run, but it is totally different. He is maybe looking for more. He told me that I should think about what it is I want from a relationship and get back to him. I really do not want to lead anyone on. I am just not ready for that part of my life. And if I date someone and fall head over heals and that changes, then I am cool with that. But it is not what I am actively seeking out.

Also despite the fact that I relate very well to him he has some things stacked up against him. He has not awesome teeth. He smokes. He gets jealous easily. I would never cheat on anyone, ever. But of the 6 people I consider to be my best friends 4 are guys, 2 are girls. It would be 4 and 3 but Elissa is pretty much family at this point. And I am a touchy-feely friend. Like I hug my friends a lot, or lean against them when sitting. And with jealousy can come controlling. I am not willing to let someone take control when it comes to my personal life.

So, I guess, I really need to find someone who is in the same position in life that I am. I have a feeling that going for it with him will be something I regret in four months. And even though I miss the intimacy of relationships, I would rather just keep waiting then expose myself to someone who could become controlling, which is considered abusive. Thank you BMHS for those skits about all the types of abusive relationships. The Girl in the Yellow Dress (I believe that was the title) is what is saving my life.