New Bedroom. Jobs. Random.

Bedroom

Saturday I moved into my new bedroom. Today I finished unpacking and getting everything set up and put away. I don't have a lot to say about it. But I am going to upload some photos for you guys.

As you can see I have an awkward file cabinet.
My plan is to get a room divider and block it off.
Also I have a piano. I am going to try to learn again.

This is the opposite wall from the photo above.
I do not know what to say about this one. 

My bed and Doctor Who posters.
Those purple circles are dry erase.
The one on the left says:
"Allison is the coolest, next to the Doctor that is."
The one on the right says:
"Work hard, and luck will find you -Nick Riley"
I have a third one in the photo below that says:
"You can do anything, but you can't do everything".

This is a cool desk. I put a quilt over the chair.
I have a Miley Cyrus poster, a Kony 2012 poster, a purple circle (mentioned above)
A bear and heart made by Hannah, a Ronald McDonald doll,
my Bruins ticket, a basket from Panama, a white board with my weekly schedule,
a Jesus picture, a picture of Adama (the girl I sponsor in Sierra Leone),
an equality sign, a calendar, and a quote from Elder Oaks.

This is my book case. It has too much stuff to list them all.
But I have a photo frame of people I love, and books and
other stuff, like lotion and a toiletries. 

This is my favorite piece of the room.
It is a beautiful sea foam green. It has my
makeup, Pengs, and my Atlantic Ocean water,
also it has my Doctor Who discs. 

Jobs.

I believe I wrote a while ago updating you guys that I have three jobs. Two CNA jobs and the Art Gallery one. I have worked five shifts at St. Joseph Villa, and one at Arlington Hills. I love my jobs. All three of them. People think working overnights is easy, but it is hard. Maybe it is because I am still new. Once I get a rhythm down I am positive it will become easier.  Working 6am-2pm I think is the hardest. Then 10pm-6am. And the easiest in my opinion is 2pm-10pm. Also this feels like a miracle. I worked an overnight last night, and came home and slept for 2 hours. I took a 20-30 minute nap around 7pm, and now it almost 11pm and I am still awake. I have a feeling all I am going to do tomorrow is sleep. Oh and I am dying my hair tomorrow as well.  

Random.

I am really glad that I have friends in the state of Utah that have my back. I might only have four friends, two of which I hang out with way more than the other two. But when I need something, I know they all have my back. I am really grateful for all of them. Also I know my friends back in Massachusetts have my back as well. Even though they can not physically be there for me, I know that they will be here for me in any way they possibly can. I am grateful that I ended up in a mental hospital in high school. When I got out I knew who my true friends were. Since then, I know, when I make new friends, who is worth keeping around and who is going to be there for me, and who is better as an acquaintance and is just fun to hang out with... I have no doubts that the people I consider my best friends are really the ones who are going to be there through thick and thin. Not everyone has that at my age. I would say I am quite lucky. 

Lately, the past month or so, I have been feeling extremely guilty for everything. I am not sure why... But I have this deep sense of guilt inside of me that I cannot get rid of. And I feel terrible for the smallest things. I am worried that my birth control is affecting my mood. I just have this overwhelming feeling that I am not a good person, and so when I think I have done something wrong, and especially when I do something wrong it reinforces that feeling, and I feel like shit. I am slightly nervous that this is going to lead into a depressive state. While I do not try to think about it, because I do not want to let myself believe it will happen, and therefore let it happen, I am aware that it is a possibility. I have been going out of my way to stay positive and not see anything in a negative way, which I am generally super good at. Lately though, it has been more work. I am not sure what to do. I just do not want to get depressed again. I think as long I keep the desire to stay happy and keep taking my medicine I should be fine.