Homesick

Okay, so this past week I had a day of emotional turmoil. I felt really homesick, and I did not really like that. The thing is I got to thinking about things.

 At home I felt like I really did not have a future ahead of me. I worked part time at McDonald's. Getting paid $.50 more than minimum wage. I felt trapped. I was 19 and still living at home, not that I do not love my family, but I wanted to be out on my own. But at home I had a social life. I usually went out with people and I had fun. I spent weekends at Kevin's. And spent almost every day after work with Julienne. I spent Monday nights with Laura and Dave (M). I interacted with people at work, we laughed and joked around. I was becoming friends with Jenny, and closer with Jess, Rich, and Kasey (H). And anyone who knows me, knows that I am a social person, and I love being around people, talking, laughing, and just having a wonderful time.

Here though. I am lacking in a social life. I hang out with Jenn, and that's pretty much it. I mean I have hung out with Sam twice. I am like him a lot, and I see us hanging out as becoming more of a frequent thing. I think he is someone I could become friends with. And I am making a few friends in my class, such as Hillary. But I really do not have a social life at the moment. But on the positive side, I do see a future for myself here. I see myself going places, and doing more that what I was doing. I am taking classes to be a certified nursing assistant (CNA), and while I work for a year or so to gain residency, I should have saved enough money to go to college. I feel like Utah has more to offer me as far a future goes. 

But I do not really have a place for myself here yet. Mainly because I lack a social network and a job. And to be honest, even if I do go back home, things will not be the same. I mean after a while it will work out, but it will not be the way it was before. My friends are moving on with their lives without me. I don't mean that like they no longer care, or do not miss me, but they have their own lives. And they need to focus on that and move on, it is only healthy. My family is learning to adjust with out without me there everyday singing and dancing around while they are watching TV and talking a lot. And I would have lost so much money coming here, just to go back and feel trapped again. Because the one thing I am sure of is, there is still no future for me back home, there is only the past. 

Here is a list of things I miss back home.

Family, friends, Kisa, pay checks, family home evening, laughing all the time, drive thru 1, Brazilians, Denny and Camio, Macks, my awesomely colored walls, driving.

What I am looking forward to here.

Finishing my classes, getting a CNA job, being around elderly people, pay checks, volunteer work, meeting new people, hiking, back packing, learning to ski or snow board (next winter), dating, adventure, proving to myself I can make it out here on my own, going to college, and having the time of my life.

I think what I need to do is stop living in the past, and live for the future. Because at the moment, making a future for myself is my top priority, cute boys are a close second  =D

But for the record. I miss you you guys back home like crazy. 

Also I got a hair cut. The faux hawk is back yo.