Adama

In October of 2011 I decided to sponsor a child. I felt like I was a waste of a human and that I was not doing anyone any good. So I went online and found what I thought to be the most credible organization for sponsorship. Sponsoring a child gave me the notion that my life mattered to someone. That someone out there was better off because I was alive. And with my life I could fund their life. It gave me a sense of meaning and purpose that nothing has ever really given me before. That just $28 a month is making a huge difference to someone who would be far worse off without me, without it. 


Adama Lamin Kanu was born April 27, 2000. Her family lives in a small village in the Kailahun district of Sierra Leone.  She lived with her parents and has three sisters and a brother. They live in a two room apartment built with mud. They lack a toilet facility. They depend on two meals per day. Adama slept on a mat on the floor. Her family is Muslim by religion and Mende by tribe. They are peasant farmers that grow cassava, groundnut, and vegetables in their backyard garden, which earns them an annual income of $180. Adama was a school going pupil that liked reading. She was friendly and liked playing games with children of her age group. She lacked books, shoes, and clothes. She was usually found dressed in rags and most of the times walked barefoot. She was healthy and physically strong. 


Adama Lamin Kanu passed away May 14, 2012 while being transferred to a new hospital to be treated for Anemia. She lived to be a little over the age of 12. I just got the call at 130pm today May 24, 2012. 


While anemia is not something painful like a broken leg, the symptoms still suck. They include, but are not limited to, "feeling of weakness, or fatigue, general malaise and sometimes poor concentration. They may also report dyspnea (shortness of breath) on exertion. In very severe anemia, the body may compensate for the lack of oxygen-carrying capability of the blood by increasing cardiac output. The patient may have symptoms related to this, such as palpitations, angina (if preexisting heart disease is present), intermittent claudication of the legs, and symptoms of heart failure". 


I cannot help but wonder if I really made her life any better. It was my money that went to pay her hospital bills. Would she have been better off if she wasn't treated and just passed away? Is it better that her family knows what the cause was, because she could go to the hospital? Did I actually help prolong her life any? Did I make the last 8 months of her life better?

I wish I could say to you all that I am okay. That is was only 8 months, and that we never really corresponded. But the reality is that Adama was only 12 fucking years old. Only 12. And I would have done everything I could have sponsoring her to help give her a fighting chance as a woman in a man's country. She could have been wonderful. It is not fair. I lack health coverage where I am now, but there is no way I would have ever died because of anemia. If something was ever that wrong I could go into a hospital and get treated. Sure I might have a crap load of debt after, but still, that would not fly in the United States.

I'm not really okay. I still felt a bond with her. I thought she would be a part of my life until 2024. Another 12 years. I wanted to go visit her next summer. For a few days.

For the record though. I will be okay. I think I just need to mourn. And I no longer feel like Adama was the only person who is better off because I am alive. I have no felt that way in a long time. That is the beauty of not being depressed. You see yourself and what you really mean to the world and people in your life more clearly.

I am just going to miss what Adama could have been. And I recognize what she was to her friends and family, and the loss they must feel without her presence in their day to day lives. My heart goes out to them.